Recognizing a Healthy Relationship: What Every Woman Should Know

Being in a healthy dating relationship takes time and effort for both parties. It takes good communication, forgiveness and boundaries in order for a couple to thrive. But what if you’re in a relationship where something feels a little off? Or what if you don’t feel like yourself, but you don’t quite know why? 

It can be easy to spot a bad relationship from the outside, but when you are in the thick of it yourself, it can be harder to spot. Here are a couple of things to look out for when you are in a relationship:

1. He pressures you: Your boyfriend should challenge you to go out of your comfort zone and experience new things, but not at the expense of your safety and standards. If he is pressuring you to try a new food, that is good! But if he is trying to convince you to do something bad, illegal, unsafe, or simply not taking ‘no’ for an answer, that is certainly a red flag.
2. Your friends or family don’t like him: Your friends and family have probably known you longer than your boyfriend, and they also know you better. If they don’t like him, take the time to listen to them and their reasons behind their feelings. They could see things that maybe you can’t see. 
3. You stop hanging out with other people: Having friendships outside of your partner is healthy and necessary – it takes more than one person to fill your social needs! Don’t expect your partner to be your ‘everything”, and continue having friendships outside of him. If you feel like you are hanging out with your friends less, that can be a sign that your relationship is not healthy.
4. You feel like there is a lack of communication: Good communication is such a broad term, and it can be hard to know what it looks like if you’ve never experienced it before. Generally, good communication entails the amount, the type and the content of what is being communicated. Too much or too little communication is never good, the method of communication matters (if you and your partner only ever communicate via Snapchat, that’s not a sign of a healthy relationship) and good communication should not ever leave you feeling confused. 
5. You don’t have the freedom to address issues: We know no one likes correction, but a healthy adult should be able to take correction as a type of encouragement to do better. If your partner refuses to admit his mistakes or does not try to do better, chances are he doesn’t see the issues in your relationship as real issues. He should be able to apologize for mistakes and try hard in the future to not repeat them. 

Sometimes unhealthy relationships can “start fresh” in a sense and work towards a better future. If you think you are in an unhealthy relationship, here are some things you can do that might help it improve:

1. Have a serious talk about what you want your relationship to look like. Lay out where it is right now, goals you have for the future, and ways to get to those goals. Make sure your partner is onboard, and listen to his wants and goals too. 
2. Establish boundaries. Every good relationship has boundaries. Notice the places where your relationship lacks, and make boundaries to remedy that. For example, if you notice you are both on your phone a lot when you are together, make a boundary to limit screen time and spend quality time with one another.
3. Do things! While it may sound like funny advice, too often our dating relationships can look like simply hanging out and watching a movie together. While this is fine in moderation, it can be your whole relationship. Make an effort to plan dates and follow through with them. Cook dinner, go on walks, have quality conversations, play a board game or even just run errands together. 
4. Have standards for yourself and others. Sit down and make a list of non-negotiable traits you would like to see in your partner and relationship. Traits like patience, a sense of humor, gentleness and a good listener are all potential things you could put on your list. If your partner doesn’t meet one of these traits, talk about it together and explain why you would like to see more of a certain trait.
5. Take some alone time. No relationship is healthy if you are spending 100% of your time together. Take some time for yourself, your friends and your family. Maybe take a weekend to go away and agree to not talk or text with each other. Spending time alone gives you time to think and recenter your identity. 

No matter if your relationship is healthy or unhealthy, sometimes it is best to take a step back from it all together. Truthfully, some people were not meant to be together, and that is ok! If you don’t see improvement in your relationship or still feel off about it, think about ending it for the sake of your health. 

At CareNet Milwaukee, our team wants to help you live a happier and healthier life. Whatever your situation, we are always here for you. If you believe you are in an unhealthy relationship, reach out for help. Also take a look at our class calendar as we often have classes that talk about health and unhealthy relationships!